President-Elect Donald Trump was arrested on espionage charges today. The move comes just a week after he was elected President of the United States.
“The Russians compromised Trump by funneling Hillary’s emails through Wikileaks,” said FBI Director James Comey. “After the election, Vladimir Putin offered Trump an illegal license to build hotels along the Crimea River. Trump jumped at the chance.”
“The lure of a continent full of hotel maids whose private parts have never been groped excited Trump,” explained CIA director John O. Brennan. “Most embarrassing of all,” said Brennan, “Trump fell for the Crimea River joke.”
Trump, Chief of Strategy Steve Bannon and three white-hooded bodyguards were arrested after meeting what they thought were Putin agents. Trump personally handed the “spies” a fistful of documents and a gold pinkie friendship ring destined for Putin. The ring was engraved “Спасибо брат” – Russian for “Thanks Bro.”
“Trump was tripped up by his emails,” said President Obama. “The NSA discovered information planted in Trump’s security briefings secretly emailed to Russia. Then we set up this sting.”
“We knew there was something wrong when they started ‘draining the swamp’ into the Oval Office,” said the outgoing President. “Where was I when Russia became our BFF?”
At a press conference, Hillary Clinton had a message for her former rival. She said, “Cry Me a River.” As the press corps got the joke, they erupted in chants of “Lock him up!”
Disclaimer: This is fiction. Steve Bannon and three white-hooded henchmen were not arrested. On the other hand, Donald Trump has not been arrested. Yet.
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